My Teenage Years

I grow up under a lot of pressure hearing what to do and what not to do from my parents.  I am the older child and have two younger brothers.  I spent most of my teenage years trying to impress my parents and worrying about not “making mistakes”.  The outcome was that I was suppressing myself and it built a lot of anger inside me.  On the other hand, I saw my brother who is 31/2 years younger than me go though an exciting and enjoyable teenage life.  He was not as restricted as me.  In rare occasions, he was told not to do certain things.  Most of the time, he ignored our parents and did what every normal teenager in Canada does.  I was never allowed to hang out with friends outside my home and go to birthday parties.   Growing up in an Iranian family, I did not feel the pressure as much.  Most of the girls around me were living under the same rules.  It was only after going to university in Canada, I realized that how much that pressure affected my behavior.  At the age of 20, I felt like a 50 year old woman with too many rules.  I did not even know how to party or simply let myself have fun.  I was lucky to find a partner in life who has a modern and liberal attitude toward life.  I have been able to liberate myself to some extent.  It is not easy to come out of the shell.  I don’t think I will ever be able to recover and take those years back.  I don’t think I will ever be able to feel what my brothers felt when they hung out with their friends at 18.  I only know that I will let my daughter grow up as free as my son.  Some of my friends used to say they wished to have sons and not daughters.  I always wished to have a girl and raise her to be a free woman. “as free as a human can be”.